0906 am 'Get This' news

program date: 
Wed, 09/05/2007

09/06/07  Get This

Chris Andreae


  1. Time Flies When You’re Stealing Funds…Self-created politico Vladimir Golovan is going to do a mere nine months for his inept attempt to get his hands on tax-payer provided public campaign funds. 
  2. Congress is back and no body of water is safe.  The “Willamette River United Act” is a proposal to use federal funds to encourage people to use the river for “recreation”.  “Recreation”?  Wha?  How about some federal funds for making the Willamette safe to wade in?
  3. Charter schools are the front line in the Neocon battle to privatize every public service the government is responsible for providing.  We elect them, they are responsible to We The People…unless…private companies handle said services instead, in which case they are only responsible to their shareholders.
  4. National defense trumps whales once again.  The Navy got the go-ahead to continue war games off the coast of southern California that involve sonar.  Even though it is established that sonar disorients and thus kills whales.  It’s all part of an “anti-submarine” training exercise.  Oh yes, here come those sneaky al-Qaeda subs.
  5. And to drive the point home, another whale washed up on an Oregon beach near Gearhart.  A number of sharks also “bit it” – no pun intended.  Funny, isn’t it, the public loves its whales, but sharks…and sonar is Okay with Everyman as long as it doesn’t fuck up the fishing…
  6. Cut & Run:  KBOO’s Edison Carder’s story this week can be summed up in just a few words:  The Bush administration is increasing logging of trees over 200 years old by 700 percent.  And Governor Kulongoski?  He figures people won’t mind…depending on how they “understand the science.”  (Translation:  He’s going to lie to us in order to cover the administration’s tracks.)
  7. A District Court judge has decided not to subpoena the medical records of 17 Oregon medical marijuana patients.  Rest assured the patients aren’t the targets of a grand jury…yet.
  8. And another judge, Lonny Suko of Yakima denied the federal government’s request to dismiss part of a lawsuit filed by The Nez Pierce, the Yakima and other original nations.  Decades of plutonium production at the Hanford Nuclear Reservation has destroyed the natural resources once abundant on Indian lands.   (You can put a price tag on a casino, but sacred lands, prolific lands, traditional ways of life?  All bets are off…)
  9. Continuing the theme, The Energy Department  is going to send plutonium from Hanford, Lawrence Livermore and Los Alamos to South Carolina.  (Apparently South Carolina is short of deadly contaminants with a half life of hundreds of years….)
  10. Washed-up actor, failed politician,  wildly, improbably popular Fred Thompson announced that he’s running for president on – naturally – the Jay Leno program.  (Proving once again that no one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people….On the other hand, no one ever went broke over-estimating the deviousness of Rove).
  11. Last night, you see, there was a “debate” among Republican presidential contenders.   (If only there had been an actual debate instead of the spectacle of grown men ripping off their shirts, waggling their weenies and raising a lusty howl to the Gods of War…)
  12. A B-52 bomber flew the entire length of the continental United States sports, well…bombs under its wings.  But not just any old bombs.  We’re talking about six nuclear-armed missiles.  Now ask yourself, ‘If I were packing for a family weekend at the beach, a hike on Mt. Hood, a trip to Bend, would I not notice that I had accidentally strapped six nuclear warheads to the old auto?’  It isn’t the kind of error average people make.  But then the American military isn’t for “average” people…
  13. Larry Craig is still playing footsie with fellow right-wingers.
  14. General David Petraeus says the troops might be out by next March – March is a good time of year to attack Middle Eastern countries because the weather is nice for a murderous free-for-all.  (But then – Yikes! – so is October…)
  15. Texas continues its time-honored tradition of executing people.  Tony Roach is number 403. 
  16. Cuban dissidents are salivating over the prospect of Castro’s demise.  (Me too!  A little Caribbean chaos might serve to distract the Bush administration from poking sharp sticks at the Middle East.  And at least AIPAC isn’t involved because there’s no money in it…Wait…yes there is…)
  17. Undetected among all the anti-Bush riots in Sidney Australia, members of an Aussie comedy group managed to drive through two security checkpoints with a fake motorcade.  (Well why not…we sent them our fake president…)
  18. Bush met with Chinese leader Hu Jintau and came  away with the extraordinary notion that the two of them understood each other very well.  Despite the fact that the talks were conducted through a translator, and Bush has not the slightest idea of geopolitics, global economic strategy, diplomacy or English for that matter.  (At least he didn’t try to give Hu Jintau a backrub…) 
  19. Ban Ki-moon got slammed by furious protestors – pro-government as well as pro-rebels – during his visit to Darfur.  (Apparently a career as a mid-level company salaryman did not adequately equip Bunky for the life of an international negotiator.
  20. Bush says that “We are kicking ass in Iraq.”  (‘What do you mean “we”, White Man?’)
  21. Israeli fighter planes dropped “harmless” ammunition on Syria.  (What, as a sort of joke?  Did they intend to drop falafel but got confused?  Did the bullets just kinda fall out of their guns?…)
  22. British jets scrambled upon noticing that Russian long-range bombers were going by overhead.
  23. Germany foiled a terrorist plot.  (Well at least somebody’s on point here…)


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