0918 am 'Get This' news

09/18/07 Get This
Chris Andreae
 

1. Unassisted Suicide rates in Oregon are up.  And rates are even higher among military veterans. Male veterans are twice as likely to commit suicide as their civilian counterparts, according to a recent study by health researchers at Portland State University and Oregon Health & Science University.
2. Ron Wyden is right there (A bit to the back, wearing a shock collar and leash…) with Hillary Clinton on healthcare.  They both are out to save the medical insurance industry from commie pinko ratfinks like Dennis Kucinich.  There’s a reason why their ideas have “bipartisan” support:  Operatives on both sides of the aisle sit on the boards of the industry giants and they aren’t going to remove their fangs from the American jugular until all the blood is gone…
3. Yesterday was the one-year anniversary of the murder of James Chasse.  The Portland police celebrated by silently congratulating themselves on dodging another bullet. 
4. Come On Down:  Today the Oregon Convention Center is hosting Project Homeless Connect.   People who – for whatever reason - have been forcibly ejected from the sphere of human rights can come in and talk to a wide range of service providers in a “totally safe place.”   (Here’s an idea:  Open the vastness of the Convention Center to the homeless at night and pay them to do security, maintenance and concessions during the day...)
5. Since Oregon passed the nation’s first bottle bill in the early 70’s, the Sate has adopted a smug sanctimonious attitude, congratulating itself on leading the nation in recycling.  But that was then and this is now.  Presently Oregonians are world-class consumers and, as even a toddler knows, eating too much creates too much  ‘waste’.  We as a State aren’t leading anything except the waddling parade to the dump and the landfill. 
6. One reason is the massive influx of wealthy newcomers.  In the new version of ‘Westward Expansion’, it’s bellies and McMansions that are looming over what little land is left unsoiled.  Case in point:  The suburban towns where the invasion inevitably washes up are increasingly unable to handle the expense of putting in new sewer systems to cope with all that poo.  And the well-heeled are notorious anti-tax crusaders, leaving Oregon’s small towns Shit Out of Luck.
7. Starting tomorrow sport fishermen on the Columbia River are going to have to release any Chinook salmon they catch below the Bonneville Dam.  And they are going to have to do this for the rest of the season.  Fish runs are once again disastrously low.  so enjoy them while you can because once the Bradwood LNG terminal goes in, there won’t be any more Chinook below the dam to release….That’s why they call it a “terminal”…
8. Dino Rossi is officially running for governor of Washington.  (This announcement is not to be confused with the real estate mogul’s off the record  - and somewhat illegal – fundraising efforts which have been a as much a part of the Washington political scene these past months as a troublesome herpes outbreak occurring when you have a hot date with a new cutie to attend to…) Rossi has been using his non-profit, Forward Washington Foundation to finance his non-existent until now campaign.)
9. In Bend, lightning struck in the same place – a church steeple – twice.
10. Mike McConnell, the Director of National Intelligence (Not much directing to do in that department, I imagine…) wants more power to eavesdrop on phone calls, e-mails, smoke signals, you name it.  McConnell bases his demands on the theory that little sticky-rice effigies of the god, Ganesh prevent elephant attacks, because, Hey guys!  We haven’t been attacked by elephants in I-don’t-know how long…
11. And not a moment too soon, either:  Jury selection begins in Florida today in the terrorism trial of the so-called “Liberty City Seven”.  The prosecution says the young men were a ‘homegrown terrorist cell’ that wanted to destroy the Sears Tower in Chicago and that they envisioned a “full ground war” – complete with elephants, I assume.
12. More From Florida:  A student was Tasered and then arrested during a question and answer session with Senator John Kerry. What the student wanted to know was Why Kerry did not vigorously contest the 2004 election results and why there had been no serious effort to impeach Bush.  The Answer:  ‘You have the right to remain silent…’
13. Turkey Trot:  Democrats are not even going to look at Bush’s war spending request until November when it will sail through so everyone can go home for Thanksgiving…
14. “It’s Not My Party And I’ll Cry If I Want To”:  Former Senator Lincoln Chafee has left the Republican Party because, he says, the Grand Old Pig-sty has drifted too far from his own principles on a number of critical issues.  (Just for starters, Link, both parties are irrelevant:  There was a silent coup in 2000 that put the Shadow Party in power.  The Party’s over…)
15. A soldier serving in Iraq has declined to play guinea pig and drink the anti-anthrax Kool-aide.  Here’s how the A/P put it:  “But the Army has not taken Hamre’s “no” as his final answer.”  No…nope…The “final” answer will be delivered via yet another mystery single-vehicle, non-combat related ‘accident.’ in Baghdad…
16. The Big One That Got Away:  A judge in Missouri has stopped the Army Corps of Engineers from hammering away at a flood control project on the Mississippi because what they were constructing would have amounted to murder on fish.  It looked like another windfall for the Corps until environmental groups put their money together and took the Corps to court.
17. Ernie Almighty:  A Nebraska State Senator, Ernie Chambers, is suing God for sowing untold death and destruction.
18. The Iraqi government is set to throw out private security companies.  It is abundantly evident that there isn’t any “security” in Iraq – private, public or otherwise…
19. Condoleeza Rice apologized to Iraq’s Prime Minister for Blackwater USA’s murder of eight Iraqi civilians.  Al-Maliki listened politely and had a good laugh in private over Rice’s promise of a “fair and transparent investigation.”
20. The UN’s Chie Inspector of Nukes, Mohammed al-Baradei says that the use of force against Iran would be a terrible mistake.  Alas, this observation hasn’t stopped us yet.  Once again, the United Nations stands by, shaking its hoary head sadly while American Buckaroos and Buckarettes take on the World.  (And let’s not forget, we are George Bush.  We did not stop this madness from occurring when we could have.  We did not stand united in opposition to Bush’s bloody policy fiascos.  We are as culpable as Bush or any of his cronies.  And Please, Oh Please don’t go to Canada:  Canada is the way it is because of Canadians.  America is the way it is because of Americans….Think that one through and get back to me – not back at me….
21. Musharraf says he’s ready to mothball his old military threads if that’s what it is going to take to get himself elected president again, amid the virtual stampede of chickens coming home to roost…
22. In Britain, people are queuing up to rescue their money from the burning building that Northern Rock has become.  Turns out that the government can only guarantee to protect losses up to 30 thousand pounds.
23. Chernobyl is doing a bit of canning this year:  Ukraine is putting a metal lid on top of the reactor until it figures out what to do next.  Ninety-five percent of thee original fuel is still in there and plans to turn the surrounding area into a ‘wildlife refuge’ haven’t worked out.
24. Ozone holes cause climate change.