0809 am 'Get This' news

program date: 
Wed, 08/08/2007

08/09/07 Get This

Chris Andreae


  1. The Portland City Clowncil managed to vote unanimously in favor of a resolution calling for a Federal Department of Peace, despite the best efforts of the Deranged to derail collective sanity.  (It’s entirely possible that council members thought they were voting for a Federal Department of Police because they couldn’t hear properly above the tumult of self-promoting nutballs….)
  2. Plum Crazy:  The Plum Creek Timber Company got itself a little positive PR out of local news outlets by proclaiming that even though – thank you, Measure 37 – they have every right to turn 32 thousand acres of timber lands into a housing development, they aren’t going to do it.  But even a cursory thing-through leads to the conclusion that Plum Creek is in fact going to cut all the trees down – they just aren’t going to build condominiums on the denuded landscape…
  3. North Coasters are attempting to fend off amorous advances from the Oregon Department of Parks and Recreation.  Parks & Rec has plans to build a campground and trail system at the confluence of Lost Creek and the Nehalem River – or put another way the flood gates will be open to a snarling, reeking river of ATV’s, SUV’s, RV’s and assorted Things That Go Bang In Your Face….
  4. KBOO’s Edison Carder produced a great program – Our Backyard – this week.  Carder put it to listeners this way:  We are choking to death on industrial pollution, all in the name of the Golden Bottom Line and a fistful of low-paying jobs.
  5. Which brings us to the sorry story of beaches all across the nation that have been closed because the water is so deeply and profoundly contaminated by shit, piss, chemicals,  and Eee-eew…What the hell is this stuff?  No longer do the little children look forward to a summer’s frolic in the waves – not unless it is immediately followed by a trip to the emergency room to learn exactly “What the hell is this stuff?”
  6. Washington Governor Chris Gregoire’s Climate Action Team is off and running, attempting to outpace the climate change that seems to have taken so many politicians by surprised.  Not to mention their dazed and confused constituents who planned to go on eating and shitting (Put politely, consuming and creating waste) for the duration.  One might reflect on the fact that the America’s signature product these days is garbage…
  7. A federal judge in Los Angeles has barred the Navy from using sonar during 14 naval training exercises planned for Southern California’s waters.  (But who among us really believes that once those nice young sailors get out their on that wide open sea, someone won’t accidentally flip the old sonar switch to ‘On’ …?
  8. The City That Never Sleeps -  On Account of the Freakish Weather:  A tornado – That’s right, a tornado – hit New York City.  Winds up to 135 mph caroming through Manhattan and a thunderstorm that poured 3 inches of rain into the Canyons of Commerce.
  9. This is the Big Week for Homeland Security:  The DHS is going door to door making certain that employees have real social security numbers (Not that social security is going to do them any favors once Bush strips it.  But that’s another story altogether…).  False number?  Fair game for ICE.  (Picture the thousands of Americans whose soc sec paperwork is not in order finding themselves deported to Mexico…
  10. The Disaster Brass is still telling the media that there is hope for the six men trapped in a coal mine in Utah.  
  11. Jose Padilla’s defense team has rested its case – without calling a single witness in the 53-day trial.  But get this:  Evidence from the prosecution focused on recorded telephone conversations involving Padilla’s co-defendants.  Tapped telephone conversations, eh?  I think we have a strong basis for an appeal…
  12. The Dog Ate My Documents:  Patrick Leahy – everyone’s favorite chairman of the Judiciary Committee - has given the White House another 12 days to hand over documents it requested nearly six weeks ago regarding the administration’s legal justification for its warrantless wiretapping program.  (I’d recommend Detention, but this administration has already outstayed it’s welcome and ought at this point to be suspended altogether – from its own petard, of course…).
  13. A former Forest Service whistleblower is suing the federal government for at least two injustices. One, is that he lost his job.  And two, he lost it because when he tried to bring up the issue of illegal and indiscriminant spraying of herbicides and pesticides in Southwestern forests, he got fired.
  14. Whooo-hooo!  Looks like America is going to declare war on Canada and Russia.  Both of which feel they have a right to the oil and gas field formerly known as the North Pole.  (Presumably, this is because America being the major source of the greenhouse gases that have contributed to the melting of the polar ice caps, feels entitled to the spoils that lie beneath…)
  15. The Entertainers:  The premiere episode of a new CBS game show asked Americans to contemplate the important question:  “If you and Dick Cheney were dueling with pistols at a distance of 50 feet, would you successfully shoot Dick Cheney or would he shoot you?” 
  16. This is World Water Week (Not to be confused with  a perfectly dreadful movie starring Kevin Kostner as and amphibious mannequin).
  17. In Iraq it is a holy week of pilgrimage to Golden Mosque for Shiite pilgrims.   All traffic has been banned from the streets of Baghdad – except of course for enormous US armored vehicle which are now free to drag race through what’s left of tiny local market squares.  And of course, it wouldn’t be Shiite Holy Week without a US air strike – It’s almost become a tradition…
  18. British officers are demanding that Gordon Brown rethink the question of asylum for the loyal and incredibly brave Iraqi translators who worked with “coalition” forces in-country for all these terrible years of illegal, immoral war.  Which only serves to highlight the fact that Brown’s predecessor, Tony Blair refused to grant these men and women and sort of “special treatment” – say, for example saving their lives…
  19. Dept. of You Think You Got Troubles:  Pakistani leader Pervez Musharraf’s chickens are coming home to roost and ‘Wah-wa-wee-wah!!!’,  There’s shit everywhere.  Musharraf has pulled out of the big terrorism meeting to be held in Afghanistan;   He’s thinking about declaring a State of Emergency (There is one, actually.  It just has not been officially declared…) and Barack Obama wants to bomb his nation.
  20. In New York and New Delhi, Tibetans and human rights advocates (And let’s not forget the aging Buddhist hippies) marched to draw attention to the tangle of lies and propaganda the Chinese government has woven around the actual lives of Tibetans attempting – against impossible odds – to live in their traditional way in their traditional country, Tibet.  The idea being to shame the Chinese government during the run-up to the Beijing Olympics.  (This is going to “shame”  the Chinese government?  Let’s see:  So far this year, they have become the world’s worst polluter, there have been countless chemical spills in Chinese rivers, endangered species all over the country are becoming extinct, the food they export turns out to be poisoned, the air is so bad that the Olympic promoters are going to have to seed the clouds over the venue every morning to make it rain so that the athletes don’t keel over en masse….Have I left anything out?
  21. And there was a 7.5 magnitude earthquake in Indonesia.


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